Tense.

Amazing that amid so much love I can be tense. Work is amazing - am insanely occupied there and everyday comes as a day to dress up and play the part of the nice QA dude who goes around working with the agents...making the office a funner place as best as he is able to...keeping upper managment happy...flirting mercilessly with all.

It is school that worries me - gone is the thrill of learning...the care even. The days go by here without meaning and I find myself going through the motions losing the firm control I used to have on my academic life - and quite frankly it is a nightmare to go from a once straight A student to one who sees failure looming in the distance without the slightest concern or will to change/avert it.

When is it that I lost all care for school and instead opted to sink myself in thoughts of love - after all what's the point? If it comes then it comes, why should I even be concerned? I should be able to put away my thoughts about 'completeness' and looking for that other part, the other 'half' to be horridly cliched. The harder I try though, the more it glares at me. And each missed shot hurts all the more. And to be brutally honest, having mother dear hovering around through all this really does not help - as painfully sweet as she is.

Things were really good for a while...really good - what the hell happend?

erk.