Bonjour everyone!
So im freezing again - but that's not new - its the harshest of winter damnit!
Picture link has been moved to the foot of the page "Frozen Hour".
My prof who was apparently still in Paris last week did eventually show up and while he is a very nice and controversial teacher *my favourite kinds* i cant help but note his fearful resemblence to Smithers - with a French accent to boot! *shudders*
Went to a wedding reception over the last weekend - had a splendid time...the music, the dances, the people were all beautiful and warm. I sat, though, lost in thought and once more, that which I've consistently tried to push ot of my mind dawned upon me as it does right now - the very idea that all the dreams that were almost genetically ingrained into my being since childhood...dreams of marrying - the typical huge Hindu wedding with hundreds of relatives, colours, sounds and all else....dreams of a family of my own - children - all tightly woven together in your sterotypical twenty-first century home -
It just dawned that all these dreams never were and never will be at all near accomplishment simply because of my lifestyle.
There is a significant part of me that rebels against the orthodox, that wold relish this idea of begin different, of not conforming - but there is too the undeniable piece of my existence that dies for acceptance; an acceptance that only conformity gives.
It is an ongoing struggle and the worst part is not over yet - I have come to love my family unbearably. We all share times together with boyfriends, girlfriends etc...I am yet single - the incident looms ahead - will there be a time when I will have to choose between spending time with my lover and our common friends - or will it all be simple - will he be accepted by those that I love so much.
It is fact the my family loves me for who I am - they know everything about me and are wonderfully open and caring - but there still hangs o'er our heads the net of norms that cannot be ignored...
Its weird - sometimes I just think too much - time alone has answers - this much I am sure of.
So im freezing again - but that's not new - its the harshest of winter damnit!
Picture link has been moved to the foot of the page "Frozen Hour".
My prof who was apparently still in Paris last week did eventually show up and while he is a very nice and controversial teacher *my favourite kinds* i cant help but note his fearful resemblence to Smithers - with a French accent to boot! *shudders*
Went to a wedding reception over the last weekend - had a splendid time...the music, the dances, the people were all beautiful and warm. I sat, though, lost in thought and once more, that which I've consistently tried to push ot of my mind dawned upon me as it does right now - the very idea that all the dreams that were almost genetically ingrained into my being since childhood...dreams of marrying - the typical huge Hindu wedding with hundreds of relatives, colours, sounds and all else....dreams of a family of my own - children - all tightly woven together in your sterotypical twenty-first century home -
It just dawned that all these dreams never were and never will be at all near accomplishment simply because of my lifestyle.
There is a significant part of me that rebels against the orthodox, that wold relish this idea of begin different, of not conforming - but there is too the undeniable piece of my existence that dies for acceptance; an acceptance that only conformity gives.
It is an ongoing struggle and the worst part is not over yet - I have come to love my family unbearably. We all share times together with boyfriends, girlfriends etc...I am yet single - the incident looms ahead - will there be a time when I will have to choose between spending time with my lover and our common friends - or will it all be simple - will he be accepted by those that I love so much.
It is fact the my family loves me for who I am - they know everything about me and are wonderfully open and caring - but there still hangs o'er our heads the net of norms that cannot be ignored...
Its weird - sometimes I just think too much - time alone has answers - this much I am sure of.
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