Tuesday, March 29, 2005

There is this play - A Streetcar Named Desire.

It's a wonder to walk through my days an actor on a stage. It's not that I put on a show anymore as much as it seems like there is some pre-ordained script that we follow. And as the hours while away, mine turns more and more into Streetcar.

I actually have a train that run by my building...its a small train but when it passes, I can't help but sense sensuousness in its deep rumbling. Its an overtone that rides the atmosphere. And I felt it almost palpable this morning, while walking down Mariette in the youthful Spring's embrace. It seemed almost to overwhelm the virginity of Spring with its conscious, superior carnality.

O the hours and the minutes and the seconds spent gazing, spent longing....spent 'going from one leaky roof to another.' Is this where I'm headed? Fresh and wild, uncontrolled and wild save only in the arms of some train who has played this game all his life. To be played then left a player... never a winner?

Spring is here and my 21st. Summer will soon be. What's to come? Excitement should brew and bubble and smile but my ideals live only in my sobriety and it is this that I fear most...

Friday, March 18, 2005

Snow and the City

As winter gracefully melts into a Spring of promises I walk the streets of Montreal eyes to the skies. It snows randomly. Delicate, crisp, white flakes of ice float around and about me. They cling to my eyelashed like dewdrops on lotus tips, like dreams that melt away when the sun of reality shines forth...

To carry on down grey streets for an eternity. To swim evermore in the cool serenity 'neath heavy clouds and amog silent snowflakes. To hear the guitar strumming in the wind and live always by the candle's glow...

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Tense.

Amazing that amid so much love I can be tense. Work is amazing - am insanely occupied there and everyday comes as a day to dress up and play the part of the nice QA dude who goes around working with the agents...making the office a funner place as best as he is able to...keeping upper managment happy...flirting mercilessly with all.

It is school that worries me - gone is the thrill of learning...the care even. The days go by here without meaning and I find myself going through the motions losing the firm control I used to have on my academic life - and quite frankly it is a nightmare to go from a once straight A student to one who sees failure looming in the distance without the slightest concern or will to change/avert it.

When is it that I lost all care for school and instead opted to sink myself in thoughts of love - after all what's the point? If it comes then it comes, why should I even be concerned? I should be able to put away my thoughts about 'completeness' and looking for that other part, the other 'half' to be horridly cliched. The harder I try though, the more it glares at me. And each missed shot hurts all the more. And to be brutally honest, having mother dear hovering around through all this really does not help - as painfully sweet as she is.

Things were really good for a while...really good - what the hell happend?

erk.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Listen o listen my beauty....listen

Today the silence calls your name. Listen as over the winds floats the silence that calls you to me.
The moments burn by, helpless are my hours for the hope that I seek lies only in your eyes. The dream whispered only in your breath...the balm of all pain, the touch of your lips.

Shall I be consumed ever in the ocean of alone? Or will you hear in the silence, my heart beating only for you....my firefly.

Accross the Looms that keep Us together
These People form my World


lunar phases