It must really be a pain to read me going on and on and on about this idiot whose love i know i'll never have and from whom all the logic in the world says to run far far away, but its seldom that feelings as intense as these surge within me.

Half of me is beggin to move ahead but i must admit that the other half is quite afraid of the chance of 'unfeeling.' Its almost as though i somehow need to have some sort of feeling in my life if even it is tragedy, such that i'll never stop loving him till someonelese comes along to take his place...but till then, it kills...

*ACHOO*

im all sick-ified...warm bowl of soup, celtic music and a big window to look outside as the snow falls ever so gently - this is needed.

Or strong arms to lounge in, bright love to bask in...large eyes filled with comfort and coffee in a cup. :)

I dont know why, but lately whenever i think of him its within the context of his wedding - im there on the fringes looking on and someone is promised to the one who still appears to hold the reins to my heart - albeit unknowingly - there is music and colour and large teardrops in my eyes as i look on...then like your archetypical indian movie character i steal centre stage and dance the night away wearing the smile's mask...

gosh - im sure this so does not help the flu; *sigh* im off...btw, got a digital camera for my birthday - finally - so my picture blog may finally have some substance - provided i figure out exactly how one gets the pictures from the little screen on the camera to the big screen on the computer :) LOL

bye bye!

And today I welcome to my little world a dear dear friend ... mr. Y ;)

this is my real world....in these words lucid and shaded you will see mirrored my life as only those truly close to me will see.

Thank you for existing!

It is me again!

So I've not blogged in what feels like ages. Spring break is here - though I affectionately refer to it as 'winter break' simply because it is still god-damned winter out there....and I have the potential to be quite occupied.

The latest scar on my sappy little heart is still trying to mingle with the rest and at the very least form a decent pattern so I intend to spend time with new friends, faces etc...one in particular - but that's a blog for another time. ;)

May check out the opera scence with H.M.S. Pinnafore at the end of the month...am reading Lady of Avalon - thanx dear dear Kiran for such a wonderful surprise!!

Musically...hmm...latest crush (note that im not even going to deign to initial him) got me somewhat attracted to techno, house and trance...will explore those soon. Also the indian movies Saaya and Minaxi have simply amazing soundtracks - for any indian music lovers out there - yes yes i know we are few ;)

It seems as though im going ahead with directing a Queer themed play at McGill - i was given an assistant director and AS also said that he would help me out - which is fantastic - would be amazing working with him...

the play actualy is about four friends who sit around a table in a bar playing drinking games - there is one guy/girl couple, one bi guy (or so he claims) and one lesbian - scandalous secrets are let out...and the pairing as they leave the bar leaves rather little to the imagination *grin*
Now i rock at tragedy...comedy..hmmmm....i can only hope!

Anyway, have a great one guys!

So im old!

all of 20 years and yet untouched - hmmm this needs to be fixed......ok so all you incredibly hott ones dont rush at once! *grin*

I sway...the serpent writhes at my skill!
I float on the rythmns ...
As with a glance I ignite hearts!

fire is my body
the spark is my form
look from a distance you fool,
for with a glance I ignite hearts.

I strike like lightning wild,
I leave you burnt in confusion
As with a glance, I ignite hearts.

THE HANGED MAN.
And then I saw a man in terrible suffering, hung by one leg, head downward, to a high tree. And I heard the voice:--

"Look! This is a man who saw Truth. Suffering awaits the man on earth, who finds the way to eternity and to the understanding of the Endless.

"He is still a man, but he already knows much of what is inaccessible even to Gods. And the incommensurableness of the small and the great in his soul constitutes his pain and his golgotha.

"In his own soul appears the gallows on which he hangs in suffering, feeling that he is indeed inverted.

"He chose this way himself.

"For this he went over a long road from trial to trial, from initiation to initiation, through failures and falls.

"And now he has found Truth and knows himself.

"He knows that it is he who stands before an altar with magic symbols, and reaches from earth to heaven; that he also walks on a dusty road under a scorching sun to a precipice where a crocodile awaits

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him; that he dwells with his mate in paradise under the shadow of a blessing genius; that he is chained to a black cube under the shadow of deceit; that he stands as a victor for a moment in an illusionary chariot drawn by sphinxes; and that with a lantern in bright sunshine, he seeks for Truth in a desert.

"Now he has found Her".

To just damn well move on!

To be as fucking jaded as the rest of this bloody world!

Why is feeling never accompanied by logic???

I stand in a flood of light. In every direction there shines only the whitest light that warms eternally.

There is mist. Billowing waves of mist with silver linings...in this fragrant fog I stand enveloped. Where is the Dawn that brings the fullfilment of the night's shaded dreams? Where is the Day that opens the eyes of all to the reality of one's deepest feelings?

Forever will I stand in this Night of mist and forever will be dreams be a flood of light...the only light to keep me embraced.

The events that surround me :

So a friend of a friend who, just by the way, owns a porn shop has to have surgery performed on one of his 'family jewels'. Now as to the reason for medical treatment on one of his poor, possibly overworked nuts - well i've no clue - but the misfortuned wretch will not be allowed to have sex or any form of self pleasure for six weeks (!) - indeed, the fellow is not even allowed a hardon within short time of the procedure 'for fear of ripping the stitiches' (!!) -

now just picture this poor straight dude - and a hott nurse giving him a sponge bath ! Dilemmas abound.

As with another friend who is so busy with school and work that she times her sexual escapades and schedules them such that they occurr during unimportant times....hmm - at times like these i am actually thankful for :

1 -being male - i.e. it doesnt take too much time ;) &
2 -not being in a relationship.

Also - "Internal Rate of Return" - the rate at which food ingested is expelled out the other end - my econ prof, making sure that we were all awake. ;)

*yawn* so im off!
Have a great one!

Fortune Cookie :

"Accept the next proposition you hear"

Ears open....and listening....