Im yet Human

Today, being the first day of the Chinese new year, I went out to celebrate with two of my chinese friends - J and Z....yes, incredibly hott-to-die-for Z. Of course his girl-friend tagged along - S.

*sigh*

What an evening! How odd to see them together, how... I mean, I really do know how to choose them! Its sadism at its best really. I walk into these traps almost fully aware that I will end up hurting myself.
They are so wonderful together - even if he is bi or gay, why should I be the catalyst to break up something that is at least on the surface very beautiful - and incur the curse of a woman! Dear God!

So its somewhat nice to know that I'm not soooo jaded from past slaps in the face that I felt nothing for him or for what potentially could happen...it was familiar sitting at that table. It was like back a couple odd years ago on a visit to a tropical country, seeing him with her and feeling a sense of loss of something which was never mine to begin with.

What a wonderful imagination I have...to believe that something can be when all logic says that it never will.

On brighter notes - I came accross a line in a translated version of the Ramayana that made me grin from ear to ear and feel all warm and cuddly all over:

"And as he saw her leave, he sketched her image on his heart with the soft ink of love."

*smiles*

And I thought I should finally declare that on days when I feel like a complete whore, my anthem is the song "Don't you wish your girl-friend was hot like me..." LOL Fits me quite well I'd like to think!

So I'm in a much better mood today :o) Lord alone knows why!

Went to see CR - an old friend...its only been three years here in Canada, odd that I already have 'old' friends. She is a sweetheart. Now living with her fiance in a very nice apartment. Was a pleasant evening.

I meant to blog about Z yesterday, before the whole bad mood thing happened. He and I went to Parking again on Thursday - we had a blast. This is perhaps the only guy on the face of earth who sincerely confuses me. Maybe he's bi...hmmm Well I've yet to make a number of him so we'll see :)

Met with a Japanese dude last weekend (D) It went okay. He's not really my type and quite frankly the chemistry does not seem to be there - but I'm to be 22 in under a month and I've not yet once been in a relationship - my life is so not going to turn out to be anything like "the 40 year old virgin" - or at least this is what we are hoping!

god what a nightmare!!

Anyway, so things are as they are and no better, no worse. I'm falling into routines and norms, soon I'll be speaking quebecois at a bar drinking beer on Friday nights surrounded by others doing the same.

Or maybe I'll fight to regain some flair for things wonderful and theatric that perhaps was never there to begin with. Maybe I'll end up with a condo with a view, candles and wine on the terrace and the lights of the city as stars on the earth. Till then, I live through you...

June 1st - will see me graduated.

Yet I've never felt as under-accomplished ever. Something happened over the past three years. Suddenly I woke up and found that I was no longer ranked amog the best - that I'm average, if so good.

It is a painful painful thing and I pray that none of you ever experience it. Yes this is a rather egotistic post, but you know what...the very idea of a blog is egotistic, our existence today is based on the self and nothing more so there.

Was exploring options and for the first time Chris Ramoutar is limited. Wonderful.

So I`ve just about realized that I`m one of the very very few who failed to do the whole new year blog thing.

So let`s see...

Last year was not all that eventful - yes there were the one night flings, the wild dancing, the hot summer nights and sangria out on the terrace, wine and candles, new monthly friends (more like brief acquaintences), there was summer school with Devesh, training new hires at work, there was C - the only one of my tragic hook ups over the year that I could ever have cared for but is now in Demark till summer at least...

I guess there was finishing the undergrad as well - though there is zero sense of accomplishment. There was much more hope for last summer than actually materialzed - which is perhaps why the new year means not every much to me.

It is another year. Beginning it with a visit to the theatre to see Brokeback Mountain and several slaps in the face from saucy reality, leaves me not expecting all that much from the year.

There will be Trinidad in April. I was initially excited...we`ll see


Anyway, to all who stop by to read - Happy Belated New Year I will away to a glass of tia maria and some hot Cuban-African music till such time as my bed calls.