The Tragic Courtesan.

She sits in the midst of men. Their eyes devour her body silently. They lay back on lavish cushions and command that there be music and dance. It is their word...here in the world of courtesans it is the order.

The drums begin, slowly, sensuously...the strings join embracing the rythmns. She remains motionless; a sculpted beauty un blinking...her eyes ever fixed 'pon the threshold.

Ahh the curse of the courtesan! Love has crossed her countless times, but she's loved once...with their eyes the caress her body; with her eyes she calls to him. The candles burn, the night slithers by, the crowd grows impatient O moonfaced beauty!

then..."Whose are these steps?
Whose is this sigh?
Whose is this shadow?
O! Of happiness today I am slain!"

An emrald is painted before her. His visage perfect appears...he sits embowered in the filaments of heady incense and he too is lost ... but lost in thoughts of another - one he'll never possess - just hours are his now, hours to spend till eternal sleep tends his wounded heart....

And these hours....spent in the company of the Moonfaced beauty - her longing for him, his longing for another....

Ahh the tragic courtesan who loves rashly; who loves without thinking; who loves unknowing.

I am a tragic Courtesan...I too love rashly. I put myself in the clouds...transient clouds that hold me not. I fall. But the fool in me would yet again seek the clouds!

O that I be turned to stone unfeeling till the time was right!

The days move with the force of inevitability. The hours dissappear and I'm left with naught to show for it.

I just feel so completely swamped with work and school - Moments in a dimly lit cafe listening to smooth jazz or hot latin - matching my heart's beat to the beat of the city - aimless wanderings along white sidewalks, 'neath bare trees leaving transient footprints in the snow - It all seems gone.

I know not to where the time vanishes and I've little by way of developing relationships for this very reason. It is times of reflection like these, times when one feels not the solitude of the soul but its utter lonliness, these times that I am thankful for the bonds that i do have...

AJ's manaical remarks steeped in wit and vigour, the dramatic emotions and passions of PI, the pure immorality of Kurls, the innocence (?) and charm of A, the stef-ness of Stef, an email from WCB....and all others so special to me in this my virtual world just make dreams worth living for....

Have a great one guys!

Tool Guy

*grinning like an idiot already*

So I got to work earlier that usual yesterday - decided to sit in the staff cafe till my shift bagan. And there, diligently working away was your typical hunk of a tool guy replete with overalls and boots...not to mention the tool belt...oooo

lol

I mean, you read all these slashy tales and think 'dear God that could never happen' or 'yea yea where will i find a real tool guy who's hott' - until of course it happens!
This guy was unbelievably gorgeous - sandy brown longish hair that he kept having to blow out of the way; angular features and drop dead, rock hard, bulging biceps that filled his short sleeved shirt...and mother of god! his behind that he so artfully showed off as he randomly bent for a screw .....*i was beside myself with laughter*

So I went up to where he was working "to get a cup of coffee" and said 'hi' - his reply was almost choked...he was that shy!! Even as he walked past me he could do naught but grin like a schoolboy!

the entire event had me in fits of laughter - was just way too funny to see slash as least partly manifest into reality...need i say that i had a rather Upbeat evening?

Aingeal speaks.

"Look into the mirror of time with me. Come back to the moments when I too was mortal; when I too was judged the mortal way...come to the land as it was then! Two mighty kingdoms stood side by side, the limpid stream ever betwix them. They were in thier very essences the north and the south. Numerous tribes of rapacious men scoured around the borders to the dark forests, and more often than not they would try to weaken the forts that protected the realm of the powerful. But the hands of the mighty held them at bay...

There was no brotherly love between the north and the south...indeed their relationship was one of distant respect and a grim acceptance that niether could be vanquished. The dichotomy remained for many years and it would seem that the Goddess had willed it so for she manifested herself in her two most powerful forms - in the hearts of the northerns she was the Goddess of the Day, and in the south she was indeed the Goddess of the Night.

Those were the hours of the old religion. There was much power palpably present around us. One had to do naught but say Her name and the Goddess was invoked. My name was Kealan. My home was the south...moreover, MINE was the south for I was none lesser than the high king's very own first born. Into my hand was thrown the sceptre of pride; its wieght a horrid shock...for all that was there before was the quill of thought and verse. Mine was the poet's soul, mine was the bounty of vision and understanding. Dreams hovered o'er me like a pleasnt oak tree's shade. Though the longing to please my father was there, I had no real desire for the throne.

In its stead, I would have taken the throne of mossess that grew in hushed bliss on the banks of our border's stream; there to relish the sapient hours of slumber in the imagination. I loved the border's stream. It was the epitome of solitude. Save the few points where guards were appointed in stern guises, the stream itself was seldom visited. There was one portion of it that opened widely to form a large pool as it were. Here, twice for the year - in the spring and autumn - would come those devoted to the Mother. Though Her religion was free then, it was still practised by the select few who knew of the 'ways' of the rituals. And it was they, they would come to this pool and perfrom their elaborate rituals.
It was the only time of the year that the North and the South met on more than civil terms for on both sides of the river would the rituals be performed. And once the solemnity was done, the fires would be lit and there would be the wild dances of the passionat. Then mingling in the red and orange shadows would the North and South cross over into one common realm. I often stole away from my tightly guraded room to partake in the ritual and festivities. I would marvel at the real joy manifest, look on in wonder at entwining couples...it was not till i was of knowledgeable age that i realized why some of our youngersters at home had features of the Northerns...

It was my sixteenth year of breath. The autumnal festival arrived and with much fervour did my heart beat. I had for so long pined for the drums, the mystic's chants and the virile fires. I donned my cloak to hide my identity and partook in the magical chants and made the sweet offering...i felt the energy of the Goddess surge within me and sensed the magic of the night...all the signs bade well and my eyes grew intoxicated with the dances. Soon enough my own body swayed to the plangent drums and lilting flutes. I too danced...and danced...and in the heated din I crossed over to the North. This was not an uncommon thing, but I felt a cool current of wind behind me and turning around, I faced the visage of perfection.
My eyes were transfixed and so was my very being. The fires soared and the drums roared but i saw naught but him."

Aideen gasped at the reality and could not help but feel the resonance of his words through her memory. Immediatly she thought of Lile...of that first day...then his voice lifted her once more into the present....

"Naoise." He pronounced the name like the susurrus wind and looked silently to the east. Myrna's hold on time was growing weaker...but the sense of urgency dawned not....he continued...

Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.



**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred sixty two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
~ Lynne Lavner

Econ Prof with supre brit accent says drily:

"The best thing you can do with your BA once you graduate is photocopy it and put the original in a safetey deposit box."

And this comes just after a merry little freshy froshy girl announces a workshop that could show us opportunities and things that we could do with our BA....poor girl! lol

The conversations we have - i swear!

A says: so to tell you the dichotomy that exists between my roommate and myself

C says: mmm.

A says: the wall over my desk is filled with all sorts of things like my academic schedule and class schedule...work related stuff and all that...post its with reminders

A says: his is with his fratmates' phone numbers, invites and his pledge card

A says: I only just noticed that

C says: so hes the hot - fuckable - pretty boy guy

C says: and youre the student rofl

A says: steups

Professors all in a Row.

So this semester is either going to be extremely entertaining - or nerve wrenching...its all in the hands of my so very capable profs :

So for Economics we have an ex-government worker/reasearched/experimenter type guy with a brittish-scottish accent who has an icredible rapport with the upper echelons of the intelligent in terms of humour - just that catching the jokes is at the expense of getting fearfully lost in his lectures... *sigh* fun none the less....

Next up are the french version of Smithers and some rather plain prof for personality - and the interesting but incredibly amature one that I have for psych measurment and testing.

So initially i passed him off as a potentially cute guy - then he grew on me - now he's promoted to potentially fuckable - but that aside, the man is so incredibly lacking in world knowledge its unblievable!
He teaches the course like its his first time and his definitions are so utterly daft that i have to do all i can to keep myself from just laughing at him.
For example : "Emotional intelligence refers to to that which emotionally intelligent people do better than those who are not emotionally intelligent" - I mean, really?
Also noted is an apparent stream of withdrawal symptoms from some sort of sexual gratification - that man puts a stick of chalk in one hand and makes such hand motions with it that would bring instantly to the mind other things that we do that correspond to such motions...

So needless to say, my days at uni this semester will be sutiably titillated after all... *devil's grin*

Bonjour everyone!

So im freezing again - but that's not new - its the harshest of winter damnit!

Picture link has been moved to the foot of the page "Frozen Hour".

My prof who was apparently still in Paris last week did eventually show up and while he is a very nice and controversial teacher *my favourite kinds* i cant help but note his fearful resemblence to Smithers - with a French accent to boot! *shudders*

Went to a wedding reception over the last weekend - had a splendid time...the music, the dances, the people were all beautiful and warm. I sat, though, lost in thought and once more, that which I've consistently tried to push ot of my mind dawned upon me as it does right now - the very idea that all the dreams that were almost genetically ingrained into my being since childhood...dreams of marrying - the typical huge Hindu wedding with hundreds of relatives, colours, sounds and all else....dreams of a family of my own - children - all tightly woven together in your sterotypical twenty-first century home -
It just dawned that all these dreams never were and never will be at all near accomplishment simply because of my lifestyle.

There is a significant part of me that rebels against the orthodox, that wold relish this idea of begin different, of not conforming - but there is too the undeniable piece of my existence that dies for acceptance; an acceptance that only conformity gives.

It is an ongoing struggle and the worst part is not over yet - I have come to love my family unbearably. We all share times together with boyfriends, girlfriends etc...I am yet single - the incident looms ahead - will there be a time when I will have to choose between spending time with my lover and our common friends - or will it all be simple - will he be accepted by those that I love so much.

It is fact the my family loves me for who I am - they know everything about me and are wonderfully open and caring - but there still hangs o'er our heads the net of norms that cannot be ignored...
Its weird - sometimes I just think too much - time alone has answers - this much I am sure of.

Reflections

There is this Cathedral that's on my way to the metro station. It's snug in the heart of the glassy city but stands in regal ostentatious proportions and hints naught of decadence.

Just yesterday - I decided to visit it and relish the sweet silence that it holds, treasured within its stone walls. The huge black doors stood overwhlemingly before me and before I even reached out to open one, it came foward, almost into my hand as it were. With little effort the door swung open and the thick incensed air met my visage with surreal warmth.

It is truly an awe inspiring thing - visiting churches like this one in the city. Its as though, upon entering youve crossed a sightless boundary between the real and the unreal. Its almost like escaping the world, re-entering the warmth and security of the womb just to sit...it matters little wheter one prays. Sometimes silence is the best prayer, for it is in silence that one hears the heart.

I sat in the pristine perfectness for some minutes that felt very much like hours lost in tranquility so hard to find in the city. It is a tranquility very much like that found in dark cafes and crisp winter mornings. One that prompts reflection; which is not alwas an entirely good thing - but sometimes fun nonetheless.

And what exactly was the product of minutes thus spent? I've nothing to show for it - but at least my mind was stilled for that brief time; now more than ever is there the hope that there would eventually be someone with whom i could share this and all other silences in my life.

to listen to the winter mornings,
to breath the dim lights of the cafes,
to hear my every emotion,
to taste the very spirit of the city;
to know that there is a heart to adorn my dreams...

Pics!!

Yes I am now viewable at the link to your right "frozen hours" or here

View at own risk ;)

And have a fun day guys!

I just love the idea - and may find myself latching on to it - that "where the heart is, lovers are not scarce!"

In the courtyard meet me,
With an open heart and warm hands meet me.
Empty, O empty and wailing is my threshold,
Come to me...

arrived is the moon,
stars too light the sky...
Not here is he who's to come.
To my eyes comes no sleep.
Come then, as sleep to my tired eyes.
as colour to my dreams
as meaning to my words,
as sound to my voice.....

So I'm sitting at my window to the world listening to the sounds of "Devdas" and find myself further lost in the dreams that swim lazily in my eyes.

"The jasmie adorns her hair lending fragrance to sweet fragrance....her face strikes his heart as lightning strikes the silent earth...her gait enchanting....Why do you tease me, O dark hued one, why do you tease me?
Let free my wrists, O let them free lest my bangles shatter"

Life is such, love is such that one is teased, one's wrist clutched veritably till one cries out for the heart's freedom.

btw - "Devdas" for those who are not aware, is a Hindi film about a tragic romance that ensues between a rich guy and his lower caste neighbour - and later on he gains the pained love of a courtesan but his heart, he realizes belongs only to one. Its a movie that ive seen more than 12 times and counting - just so out of this world and tragically true of certain feelings that all breathing humans must experience at least once in their lifetime.

So the narritive continues - I do apologise for the break and any ensuing confusion that may arise ;)

It was as if the world had gone comlpetely silent as the weight of Myrna's words fell sightlessly upon the shoulders of Aideen. Though it would seem that all that was required of her was the propitiation of an immortal for the gift of his seed in her womb to continue and revive the strength of the lineage, she saw that for reasons numerous this would prove severly improbable.
First there was the inexplicable longings for the water nymph Lile locked in deep her bossom. Then there was the prophecy of the Goddess' oracle that said that the child concieved this night will reign hereafter. As far as she could see, once the spell cast by Myrna was lifte, dawn would arrive and there would be no immortal to fill her womb. Then confusion daawned. Her encounter with Cathal some hours earlier had had intense sexual ramification wrought upon her....could it be that..? Then, there was Aingeal here, why could he not be that immortal that gifted her his seed...?

She look with wide eyes lost in questions to the beautiful Aingeal who stood stately looking to the east, knowing that the magic would last not much longer; that dawn would be here and the wheel of history would be begun its inevitable, crushing spin once more.

He spoke,"Dear, dear Aideen. Were it as easy as that." He smiled wrily, "I have been bound to the service and protection of your clan from the very day that I became on of the Elements. Our histories are tied together by great sacrifice and good Myrna has left my tale untold because she knows of the pain, the sadness, the loss that burns me till today; she knows also of your mordern day ideas about certain feelings, certain emotions that would plunge you further into desolation.

But my tale must be told. History and knowledge are the nymphs that will gran you the strength that you need to face the comming days. It will be repeated; All that has passed will be repeated and unless your eyes are open this time Catalin there is nothing that will save you!" He paused, realizing his mistake. This was not Catalin, it was Aideen. Not his beautiful sister selfless...but her reincarnation, her second chance at finding rest. The sadness on his face was almost palpable as he began the tale of his life; of his great "immorality" in the eyes of the elders; of the purity that saved him.....

O My God - talk about an ego trip for the day...

*sigh* the effect that the trivial can have. ;)


Sexy Orlando


What Orlando Bloom are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Another day *yawn*

All jokes and exagerations aside, bowling was quite fun...though I successfully proved that I'm in certain need of practice, I'm sure I may flatter myself and declare that I at least showed signs of promise. ;)

This morning saw me half asleep on the metro to Uni simply because of this bloody 8:30 a.m. class that I have this semester. But shock of shocks, when I did mange to yawning-ly tumble into class - caffine-less to boot - the prof was not there....in comes an administrator who laughingly tells us that the prof is nowhere to be found and that perhaps there is a chance that he is in Europe - or some other random part of the world - because he was apparently given a travel grant to be used not too long ago.

*sigh* such is my lot.

So they downsized that staff at work - am gald to actually still be employed - and much of the eye candy has vanished. :(
But, alas! the 'out of sight, out of mind' theorum may come into full swing sending a number of minor and one major obssesions into oblivion...yay!

All in all, I sense that today is going to be a very sleepy one - so through some weary yawns im going to sink all my troubles in a cup of hazelnut flavoured coffee. *mmmm*

And in response to the question on the comments on the last blog -am I Brit?- O blazes! I jolly well wished I were!

*grin*

*scream*

No one warned me that lint glows under black lights!! *even though it is rather common sensical - these things somehow tend to escape me* :)

thing is - i bought these really really nice black mexx pants at a ridiculous price - only to realize some time later that they attracted lint like pres boys attract flies - so of course there would be the chore of keping them decent before i left the house....this i did - then sat in a lint infested car on the way to a bowling alley.

Now who the hell came up with the brilliant idea of black lights in a bowling alley?? i mean, really? raa - so in i went - walking past a mirror - stopped to make sure the hair was all nicely in place etc - when to my excruciating horror i saw my pants glowing like there was no tommorrow - faint - well i should have anyway...

Yes so this is me bloody Monday morning at school desperatly needing to find any excuse to rant because i just recieved my beautifully fucked up stats results....*sigh* math and me - oil and water - george bush and brains - get the point?

yes well its going to be a lovely term.....i can almost feel it through my frozen, numbed and almost purple fingers....winter has really begun in all its mighty negative degrees....zip-a-dee-doo-daa-day!

O and one more rough surprise recieved this morning - i was sitting in my personality lecture when the prof walked in - hideous fellow - nice teacher though - but anyway- since the prof would not be hot for this class i figured might as well look next at the TA.
So I saw one of them in the front row - but from the way i was sitting i could only see his side profile - and might i say, i was floored! Rather hot chap - would make at least some of the course titilating......then he turned around.

O well...so much for any eye candy from the teaching level of the psychology of personality this semester *cough*

;)

So have a fun day dear people - am off to the world of higer learning and icy streets!

May there be happiness in the New Year.

Troubled images have burnt my mind for many moments in solitude. Its as though the grand city that was the elites as one is now but sad towers spread over the globe in solitary pools of tears. I feel the need of you my friends; its a very real need for a presence corporeal.

Solitude is beautiful...the company of the cherished, invaluable.

Yet, I close my eyes and I feel your smiles, your gentle chastising remarks at my sheer naivity, your assuring embraces. I write, and there I feel you all as the elements that surround eternally.
Then in the light of my most precious White Hours I know that you've never left; that we are together.

The looms that keep us as one infallible fabric stand. And with this year, I feel that new colour and new life will be added to memories of old.
May we never divide. May our fabric be passed to posterity, and let others know of our ornate and delicate bonds.

Happy New Year my friends, the elites of the universe!